Wednesday, August 16, 2017

Carnation for Mom...

On August 15, 2015, I lost my sweet, beautiful Mother to a horrible disease. Pancreatic cancer. No cure. No mercy. It struck fast and hard. She was only 69 years old. She had so much more living to do. Cancer sucks. 

I meant to post this yesterday, but my emotions were too raw and tender. Not to mention my eyes were too puffy to look at the computer screen. The night before last was a doozy of a cry-fest!

On my journey of the last 2 years without my best friend, I have come to terms with my Mother's passing. It wasn't an easy road. For the first year, I cried every day. I then tapered off to crying several times a week, once a week, and then only on important dates or holidays. I can now talk about her without crying. I still can't say, "she died." I have to say, "she passed away." Sometimes I forget she is gone. I think of something funny, an accomplishment, or needed advice. When I remember I can't tell her any of those things, I feel like I've been sucker punched and had my heart squeezed in a vice. Some days are better than others. 

Not a single day goes by that I don't think of my Mother. Whenever I cook, I remember that she taught me how to do it. Whenever I watch a British show, I wish she was watching it with me. Whenever I see the mountains (which is daily), I think of how much she loved the view out of her front window. Whenever I see the color blue, I think of how pretty she looked wearing it. Whenever I watch America's Funniest Home Videos with the family, I wish I could hear her giggle again. Whenever I see a carnation flower, I remember how much she loved their beauty. Whenever I think of our last conversation, I am so thankful it was about how very much we loved each other.

They say time heals all wounds. Maybe, but I think time lessens wounds to still-tender bruises. 

This carnation is for you, Mom.

{Carnation was "painted" with Minwax Jacobean wood stain.}

No comments:

Post a Comment